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Truly Extraneous Laws

We find these truths to be self evident and applicable!

Law of Communications

The inevitable result of improved and enlarged communications between different levels in a hierarchy is a vastly increased area of misunderstanding. The consequence of improved and enlarged communications is a vast increase in the area of misunderstanding.

Law of Computability Applied to Social Science

If at first you don't succeed, transform your data set.

Law of Computer Programming No. 01

Any given program, when running, is obsolete.

Law of Computer Programming No. 02

Any given program costs more and takes longer.

Law of Computer Programming No. 03

If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.

Law of Computer Programming No. 04

If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.

Law of Computer Programming No. 05

Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.

Law of Computer Programming No. 06

The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.

Law of Computer Programming No. 07

Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.

Law of Computer Programming No. 08

Make it possible for programmers to write programs in English, and you will find that programmers cannot write in English.

Law of Computer Programming No. 09

Your files will always expand to fill the available disk space.

Law of Computer Programming No. 10, a/k/a the Law of Cybernetic Entomology

There is always one more bug.

Law of Computer Programming No.11

Any error that can creep in, will. It will be in the direction that will do the most damage to the calculation.

Law of Computer Programming No.12|

All constants are variables.
First Law of Computerdom

Fuzzy project objectives are used to avoid the embarrassment of estimating the actual costs.

Second Law of Computerdom

A carelessly planned project takes three times longer to complete than expected; a carefully planned project will take only twice as long.

Third Law of Computerdom

The effort required to correct course increases geometrically with time.

Fourth Law of Computerdom

Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so vividly manifests their lack of progress.

Fifth Law of Computerdom

If a project requires N components, there will be N minus-1 units in stock.

Law of Expert Advice

Don't ask the barber whether you need a haircut.

Basic Law of Surgical Pre-Op Procedures

Never say `oops` in the operating room.

Law of Predictable Dispursement

Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

Law of Superiority

The first example of superior principle is always inferior to the developed example of inferior principle.

Law of the Predictability

You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.

Laws of Gardening No. 1

Other people's tools work only in other people's yards.

Laws of Gardening No. 2

Fanzy gizmos don't work (and it isn't just gardening either!)

Laws of Gardening No. 3

If nobody uses it, there's a reason.

Laws of Gardening No. 4

You get the most of what you need the least.

Le Chatelier's Law

If some stress is brought to bear on a system in equilibrium, the equilibrium is displaced in the direction, which tends to undo the effect of the stress.

Leahy's Law

If a thing is done wrong often enough, it becomes right. Stated otherwise, volume is a defense to error.

Computer Axiom No. 1

When putting it into memory, remember where you put it.

Les Miserables Metalaw

All laws, whether good, bad, or indifferent, must be obeyed to the letter.

Lincoln's Rule

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt (and amazingly still applicable after all these years!).

Practical Law No. 1

Always store beer in a dark place.

Practical Law No. 2

Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proved innocent.

Practical Law No. 3

Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done, and why. Then just go ahead do it.

Practical Law No. 4

It has long been known that one horse can run faster than another -- but which one? Differences are crucial, particularly at the horse races.

Practical Law No. 5

A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits.

Practical Law No. 6

Small change can often be found under seat cushions.

Practical Law No. 7

It's amazing how much `mature wisdom` resembles being too tired.

Practical Law No. 8

Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny.

Practical Law No. 9

Never appeal to man's `better nature. He may not have one. Remember, invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.

Practical Law No. 10

An elephant: a mouse built to government specifications.

Practical Law No. 11

Waking a sleeping person unnecessarily should not be considered a capital crime. At least not the first offense.

Practical Law No. 12

Beware of altruism. It is based on self-deception, the root of all evil.

Practical Law No. 13

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

Practical Law No. 14

Rub her feet.

Practical Law No. 15

To stay young requires unceasing cultivation of the ability to unlearn old falsehoods.

Practical Law No. 16

History fails record whether the majority was correct.

Practical Law No. 17

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss.

Practical Law No. 18

Never try to out stubborn a cat.

Practical Law No. 19

The laws of nature do not include pity.

Practical Law No. 20

You can be just as wrong by being too skeptical as you can by being too trusting.

Practical Law No. 21

Anything free is worth what you pay for it, or perhaps less.

Practical Law No. 22

Pessimist by policy, optimist by temperament -- it is possible to be both. How? By never taking unnecessary chances and by minimizing risks you can't avoid. This permits you to play the game happily, untroubled by the certainty of the outcome.

Practical Law No. 23

Vini, vidi, vici really means when properly translated, and adjusted for modern times, "I
came, I saw, SHE conquered."

Practical Law No. 24

The greatest productive force is human selfishness.

Practical Law No. 25

A skunk is better company than a person who prides himself on being "frank".

Practical Law No. 26

The correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts: "of course it's none of my business, but..." is to place a period after the word "but". Don't use excessive force in supplying such morons with a period. Cutting his throat is only a momentary pleasure and is bound to get you talked about.

Practical Law No. 27

Don't try to have the last word. You might get it.

Practical Law No. 28

Watching a file download, will not increase the speed of the download.

Practical Law No. 29

The purchase of more than one lottery ticket does not greatly enhance the likelihood of winning the jackpot.

Practical Law No. 30

When faced with the possibility of being lost in his travels, modern man will always avoid seeking directions.

Lord Falkland's Rule

When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to make a decision.

Napoleon's Law of Responding to Mail

The passage of at least fourteen days from the receipt of mail, will cause most of the mail to no longer need a response.

Generic Law of Repairs

If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

Law of Consultant's Projections

Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for a number and then give it back to them.

Law of Theory Application

If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.

Law of More is More

Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.

Law of Computer Program Selection

The user doesn't know what program he wants, but he always knows exactly what program he doesn't want.

Law of Iceberg Mass

7/8 of anything can't be seen.

Law of Committee Discussion

Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the reaction that will occur is the one, which will liberate the greatest amount of hot air.

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